Like it or not, we’ve all got a “need to please” running through our veins, to some level. To all my fellow overly accommodating humans out there, you know saying no can be a hard thing to do without the resulting guilt and second-guessing.
“Can I ask you a favor?” can sometimes translate in our minds to “I know that you’re going to say yes to this; that’s why I’m asking you specifically.” In an effort to stay kind and softhearted, without becoming somewhat of a doormat, I’m working on tactful ways to say no sometimes, and doing so with peace of mind.
In everyday interpersonal life, this becomes relevant when friends ask us to do something with them. I often find myself overbooking myself in an effort to spend quality time with everyone, for instance. Other times, I feel that I need to make more time to go home and see the family instead of catching up with friends I see more regularly. Both cases involve sacrificing one opportunity for another, and typically leave me feeling badly for not picking the other.
This can also be hard when it comes to the workplace. As a lower-on-the-totem-pole, young employee, I never want to come across as though I’m not game for a task, and of course want to prove I’m capable of handling my workload, thus I rarely decline requests.
There was a framed picture my grandparents used to have in their bathroom that showed the image of a mallard duck swimming. The caption underneath read, “Be like the duck. Calm on the surface but always paddling like hell underneath.” At age six, while swinging my legs joyfully and thinking about Barney probably, sitting on the pot, I’m sure I thought this was cute and clever – and that I was getting away with something by reading a swear word. The more I think of it, and the older I get, however, I find myself laughing at this, thinking this motto probably results in hundreds of cases of high blood pressure and anxiety disorders, quite honestly.
So instead of stretching myself too thin, I’m vowing to be both honest and realistic. To paddle like hell and work hard, but keep my well being in mind. Maybe with most requests for my time and energy there is a compromise that can be reached. Maybe the answer is “Yes, I will do that, but won’t be able to until the end of the week.” Better to offer that, at times, than try to squeeze it in and do a half-ass job, or be so overwhelmed that I start crying over something as miniscule as the copier breaking yet again.
Just a small reminder to be kind to yourself, because there’s simply nothing wrong with being human.
Cheers & happy Memorial Day,
K
realgrownups 