A Toast

Well, I didn’t want this blog to become a Mommy Blog. I made lots of snarky comments about Mommy Blogging when we started this endeavor. However, that’s where I’m at – as we say in Pittsburgh – so another Mom post it will be. Maybe the next one will be about wine or something from another part of life 🙂

 

Arlo was born one week ago, almost exactly as I’m writing this. It’s been a fairly easy transition so far, if i’m being totally honest. But the reason it’s been easy goes beyond the good weather, good natured baby, and the knowledge you have with a second child that you don’t with the first. The reason it’s been easier really is because of Wes. I can honestly say I couldn’t do this without him.

 

A few reasons to be grateful:

1. He’s a shift taker. Right now, there’s not much he can do in the way of feeding, but when he offers to hold the baby for an hour so I can sleep, at 3 am, I’m grateful.

2. Cleans the stuff I can’t get to right now.

3. Spends extra time with Ronan so he doesn’t feel too left out.

4. Switched his schedule to be around.

5. Calls just to check in.

6. Did laundry. And folded it! This one is particularly helpful, since I can’t bend over or carry stuff for a while.

7. Set up and clean up for visitors – one of the perks of coming home early was having people to our house instead of the hospital. A perk for me…but W had to do lots of dishes in the meantime. He did it with a smile.

8. Took me to the mall to walk around and get out of the house. He then remained cheerful, even though the whole trip involved sitting at the food court, trying to nurse, then sitting at the play place, then sitting again, at a chair by JC Penny’s, because the baby actually wanted to nurse at that point, and then driving home.

9. Spends time with me just staring at the baby, reveling in the gift we have in our arms.

10. And then, he goes to work!

 

Some of you are thinking – well moms do all the work, really. And maybe sometimes, that’s true. Some of you might be thinking, this is stuff your husband should do, what’s the big deal? Maybe that’s true too– but no one has to help another person. Let’s toast to all the things Fathers do that go unnoticed or unthanked while we are transitioning a new life to the world.

Thankfulness.

 

It’s the one week a year that you can’t get away from the thankfulness. So we’ll add ours to the internet!

 

Adrienne:

I’m thankful for God’s infinite grace. As a mom, wife, friend, co-worker, I realize every day how imperfect and flawed I am. But I’m reminded later, most days, that grace is available. Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God. And the grace from people is even more a reflection of its importance. I hope I can be as graceful as others in my life.  

 

I’m also thankful for good health this year. I’m almost done with a mercifully uneventful pregnancy. I’ve skirted most bugs in the office. And I’ve been surrounded by friends and family going through some tough health issues. So I’m also reminded that health isn’t to be taken for granted.

 

Kelly:

 

I’m thankful for the little things that got me through the big things this year – camping, my brother quoting Dumb and Dumber, my neighbor texting me when my smoke alarm goes off while I’m cooking dinner, free tea at work,  IKEA trips with good friends, $5 movie nights with mom,  celebrations, unwarranted kindness from strangers, my nephew’s curiosity, an enthusiastic church community, clothing swaps, old photos & notes my sister sporadically sends me in the mail – and the answered prayers that came to me in the form of friends.

 

 

 

And we’re thankful for our readers! Our one year blog-anniversary is in January, and we’ve had so much fun doing this thing called realgrownups. So thanks for encouraging our adventure by reading our thoughts.

 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

Fifty on the Cliffs of Moher – Guest Blogger!

Check out a great post from our friend and “not a grown up” Shawn Reed!

I am still not a grown up, but this morning I woke up to two odd facts: That I was in Ireland, and that I was now fifty years old. Both were new experiences for me, and make me wonder why I haven’t experienced them before now.

Getting older is, of course, something none of us can choose or not choose. Going to Ireland, however, was a choice and a good one. It is significant because of family roots, because of the company of loved ones, and because it has to be seen on winding back roads from behind the wheel of a 9-passenger Opel Vivaro. All are metaphoric for my personal idea of being a grown up: roots, loves, and risks.

Our roots are not ours to choose, and that makes them often seem just the thing that we might not have chosen. Just the same, our very physiological fabric is the result of generational work. We look, act, think, and feel much like those farther up the family tree. And it’s worth embracing, if not at least remembering. “Do not forget the rock from which you where hewn,” says the book of Isaiah (51:1).  Another translation says “Consider the rock from which you were cut, the quarry from which you were mined.” I like that because it reminds me that as much of an original I like to believe I am, the raw materials came from somewhere else.

Our loves will, at the end of our days, define us. The people, places, ideas, and gifts we revere are the drivers in my life. They are what I seek, and with my half-century of experience, I find myself not wanting more of everything, but more of whom and what I am certain that I love. There is peace and comfort in the familiar; there is sanctuary in the chair, the book, the wine, and the precious few that you know you love.

Our risks will, I believe, define us most of all.  Where the familiar road provides us rest and comfort, the unknown path breathes life into us.   My own life has been marked by a continued series of risks and rewards, and the blessings I have found so profound have come from the willingness to put aside fears and take the odd chance.  From the earliest days, we risk life by merely taking steps. We touch hot things. We run with scissors. We break bones and get stitched. But our lives are fuller because of it.  Our skin is thickest at the scars, and our memories will always race to the times we took the chance.

“Remember that time we went to Ireland and hiked the Cliffs of Moher on your fiftieth birthday?”

-Shawn

More Advice!

I’ve been married for 4 years. It flew by! I’ve gotten some pretty great advice over the years, and observed some wonderful marriages and relationships. So here’s my shot at some relationship advice at the 4 year- 1 kid mark, in no particular order.

1. Spend Time Together.  This is one of those love languages you always hear about, but even if you took the test and it wasn’t yours, it’s still helpful. It allows you to actually live life together. If you never spend any time together, you’re really just two people doing things in a similar space instead of as a team. Try it!
2. Loyalty is important. This one seems obvious, but today it seems like many people don’t necessarily hold this as true.  If you’re committed to someone, you have to stick to that commitment and make it apparent. Whether that means changing your actions with something big, like not having lunch with a guy you used to date, even if you’re still friends – or something little, like watching their favorite star wars movie – instead of “The Voice!”  It all shows your significant other that you care about them and aren’t looking elsewhere for something important. I think that makes people feel good.
3. Listening. You know that time your ‘person’ was telling you about their day at work, and your eyes glazed over and you were thinking instead about how you can’t believe Dale died on the Walking Dead? Well, your ‘person’ probably noticed that you weren’t listening. If you aren’t in the headspace to listen well, then be honest about it, and maybe try again later.
4. Respect. Another obvious one perhaps, but I’ve found that especially matters in public. If I show other people that I respect my other’s choices, it bodes well for us. And vice versa! No one likes to get a bad rep – and it ends up not being for show, if you actually respect their choices. That’s why it helps to talk about things before decisions are made (see “Spend Time Together”).
5. Some things actually aren’t worth talking about. I’m the type of person that likes to hash stuff out, and rehash, and rehash, and then talk about one more time, this has been a good lesson to learn. Ex) Wes put pans in a drawer in the dining room recently that I have slotted for placemats. Not dishes. I have some choice in this situation. I could (as soon as he gets home from work) immediate explain why I don’t want the dishes in that spot, and then make him feel bad for ruining my superb organization skills while he was really just trying to unload the dishwasher and move on. OR I could just move the dishes to a different spot, and let it go.
6. Nagging gets you nowhere with certain people. My husband is one of those people. Believe me. I’ve tried it. Maybe your person is a different story, but unless he remembers for himself, Wes doesn’t appreciate the nagging. I think it actually makes him block that task purposefully out of his mind.

So in the end, we aren’t perfect. We don’t know everything about being married, and I’m sure it will change over the next so many years, but these things have been helpful so far. I’ll check in again in 20 years! Good luck!

-A

(Originally, this was posted at another site I blog with: Urbancashmereblog.com. Check them out!)

Real Grownups Take a Road Trip!

Recently, we (the writers of realgrownups) went to Asheville, NC with a few other friends. It was a great trip – none of us had been to that town before. Plus, we got to hang out away from kids and work and relax! Below are a few sentiments about the great food and places if any of our readers ever venture there.

The best and worst of Asheville:

Best:

1. Wicked Weed Brewing & many other breweries! http://www.wickedweedbrewing.com
2. Lookout Trail was an great hike for beginners. http://www.summitpost.org/lookout-mountain/617825
3. Biscuit Heads for Breakfast was the preverbal southern meal, with lots of fresh ingredients and additions. http://www.biscuitheads.com
4. The Bookstore! It was called Malaprops and of course it was one of my favorite parts. Independent. A great selection. A even a great kids section. http://www.malaprops.com
5. The proximity of Everything. We stayed in West Asheville and definitely could’ve ridden bikes almost anywhere we wanted to go. We didn’t bring bikes this time, but it would be a great option!
6. Tupelo Honey Café http://tupelohoneycafe.com
7. Last but not least, the bar that was …in a gas station! Yes. In a gas station. This was my favorite place, The Brew Pump. It has corn hole and a yard with plenty of tables to sit outside and hang out while you have a beer. It had GREAT beers on tap. The atmosphere was really fun. http://www.thebrewpump.com

Worst:

1. The locals don’t seem to like tourists, even though it’s a common occurrence to have tourists.
2. Uber drivers might have just started 2 days ago. No big deal though, Uber gave us a refund, and we made it to our destinations. Eventually.
3. The Drum Circle. Just Kidding 🙂

Other than those three things, it really was a great trip. It’s about 8 hours from Pittsburgh, so not a horrible drive. We would recommend it as a great weekend trip or longer for people with lots of time to hike, bike and chill with the hippies!

-A and K

Church

I’m a church person. Ever since I decided to be a Christian, I’ve loved Sunday mornings. Go grab a coffee, maybe a bagel, head to the building, worship, hear a message (hopefully) about trying to be more like Christ, go to lunch, and head home for a nap. Maybe one reason I enjoy the experience is the food before and after…But really, there are a few important things I think about church:

After God, it’s mostly about the people.  Remember the children’s rhyme: “Here’s the church, Here’s the steeple, Open the doors, See all the people?” Jesus is all about people too. He spent his short life forming relationships with some weird and easy to shun  people: Mary, the prostitute (Luke 7:8). Zacchaeus, the tax collector (Luke 19: 1-10).

That’s the beauty of church, wherever it is located, where there are two or more people, God is with us. Church is a place to be with.

As a rule, going there doesn’t make you a better person. But it’s helped me do that, and also made me realize that it’s not about being a better person at all.

I’ve been slowly learning that church isn’t at all about me. It’s not about the song I really like, or the message that was just okay that week. It’s about taking myself out of the picture and looking at the people around me.

And finally, at the top of the list, church is about the simple beauty of the gospel message. God loved us, so he sent his son to die and come to life again, for us, so that we could spend eternity with him. And that’s what I love the most.

Jesus’ death on the cross was the most true picture of love ever given to us. Another one though, is one of my favorite stories and the final reason I go to church, to be continually reminded of Jesus’ humility and holiness.  It’s a picture of the Creator of the universe humbly bowing to his disciples to wash their feet, as an illustration of the necessity and importance of humility for everyone who claims to follow Christ. See John 13: 1- 17, below. – A

 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not everyone was clean.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.  “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

The Runaround

I can’t tell you how many days I spend my time doing one thing while thinking about how I’m going to prepare for the next.

This month, I’m learning to be present.

It’s easy to get in the flow of nonstop activity, as I’m sure you know. A friend asks you to catch up over drinks; you sign up for an exercise class; you need to get groceries…and before you know it, you’re running around from 8 am to 9 pm. And ultimately, I worry that I’m not offering enough of my attention to each of these things.  With a bit more attentiveness, I might not forget to pick up chicken for the third time, or a co-worker and I might have a solid conversation at the coffee station that changes the whole tone of their day.  I fear I might be missing moments.

I read a Pinterest quote once (yes, these can hold a bit of wisdom from time to time, believe it or not) that said:

“Stop the glorification of busy.”

I love that idea. And I find it to be a challenge, especially at work.  My team and I have an average of 5 meetings a day, attempting to tackle our ever-accumulating email inboxes all the while (and keep a smile on!).  As a person who enjoys feeling accomplished at the end of the day, I’m not saying a busy day is a bad one, rather I think it could truly benefit us all to take our time with both our tasks and our interactions.

After all, the quality of our lives is so important. And it’s the little things and simple moments that bond us, and I think there is success in that.

Cheers,

K

Making Friends as a RealAdult

This is always the hope, right?

 

I’m in this somewhat awkward phase of life where most of my old friends have moved on, not many people around me have any kids or any husbands, and I work a job where there are like, 86 women in the same building. SO of course, I was bound to make a friend here and there (or bound not too, but did anyway!). Some of my inner thoughts along the way:

When is it too soon to text her? Will she think I’m being too forward if it’s right after we hang out? Or is that nice, like it’ll make her feel good too?

What do you do with friends now? Eat and drink? Does she think board games are stupid? Sit in a coffee shop and look at our phones? How often do you hang out? It used to be all weekend, every weekend, depending on soccer practice. But now? I don’t want her to think I’m avoiding her if I don’t want to hang out for a few days, I’m just used to my routine.

What if we have nothing in common outside of work? What if she doesn’t like Wes? Or I don’t like whoever she hangs out with?

Is it cool to go to the mall with my kid and walk around? Does she notice there’s no way I can actually concentrate on a conversation if we do that? Is Ronan annoying her? Who cares if Ronan’s annoying anyone, he’s a baby!

Did I talk about myself too much? Did Wes talk too much? Did Ronan fart in front of her? Or was that her and she’s not a potty-humor kind of person? I hope she’s not, because I’m not either.

And the big one for me: Goodbyes. I’m really horrible at Goodbyes even with family. So if this one is a hugger, and I don’t want to hug back, will she think I’m mean? Can I give her a hand shake, or do only men over the age of 50 do that? Double Cheek Kiss, like Au Paris? But I’m not French or classy. And she might be afraid of germs. A little wave? She’s 2 feet away though. Pat on the shoulder? Fist bump?

Making Friends with Adults

A

Four Types of People I Make Fun of but Secretly Respect

The Cryers: These are the ones that can’t make it through an All State commercial, let alone a Goo Goo Dolls song, without shedding a few tears. I’ve been known to roll my eyes at this, but here’s the thing – I really think their unashamed emotion is brave. It’s raw. Despite how weak it may seem to cry at the end of the The Notebook, it really shows empathy. And not much is braver than trusting the world with a soft heart. Keep on keepin’ on, cryers.

Football Fanatics: This weekend, I overheard my boyfriend and his roommates tell each other the predicted temperature for the week in football players’ jersey numbers – some sort of code, I imagine.  I’m terribly impressed at the amount of details football fans know about players’ stats, personal life and athletic history. They may be prepping themselves to become that old man at the bar talking sports, but I say bravo to their research and dedication.

Basic Eaters: Some days I can’t imagine my life before I knew about avocadoes or organic milk. Again though, there is a secret place in my heart for the cold-cut sandwich lovers, Cheerios fans, and those that just can’t get enough Hamburger Helper. I picture my dad (and his dad) taking breaks at the steel mill, opening up their lunch bag and ripping into a chip-chopped ham and swiss sandwich and washing it down with a black coffee. I’m over here like – “How much sugar is in this yogurt? Ugh!”

Anyone Actually Pulling Off Outrageous Clothing Styles: Half the styles I see on runway shows are furry and pleated in all kinds of strange ways. But to those every-day ladies and gentlemen that wake up and rock those yellow heels, fur vest, bright lipstick, or jacket with the confident elbow patches, I applaud you. I wish I could wear those yellow heels without feeling like some sort of hooker-clown.

Cheers,

K

Making Friends with Adults

Now-a-days, it’s harder to meet new people than it was in college and high school. Friends like your sorority sisters, neighbors in class, and dorm roommates just don’t come along as organically as they used to. And on one hand, it’s not so bad – you have fewer yet more deliberate relationships. You learn to make time for the people truly important to you. Here are a few things I’ve learned about friendship:

1. Work friends can be real friends. With the amount of time we spend at the office, a handful of our co-workers tend to become our companions. Trust the good ones. Stay away from the bad ones. It really makes going to work everyday worth drinking the shitty coffee.
2. You can’t get offended when they spend time with their significant other. Whether it’s her boyfriend, fiancé or husband, it’s okay that this person is a priority to her. That being said, friend time is precious, and balance is a healthy thing. Make everyone’s life easier, and get to know his or her “sig fig.”
3. Wine is always a good reason to get together (enough said).
4. It’s okay to keep your friend groups separate. There’s a certain level of selfishness involved in this one. I’m extremely hesitant to introduce friends from different circles to each other for fear of them becoming better friends than these people and myself. Why? Because it’s happened before.

5. Be conscientious about spending time with old and new friends. We lose and gain friends because of changes in location, jobs, and phases of life. . Liking old friends’ post on Facebook is NOT considered “keeping in touch,” no matter what age you are. Make time for coffee or dinner with people you care about, old or new. You’ll be glad you did.
6. “Friends Out of Convenience” is a real thing. That other mom at daycare, your cube neighbor, the people you exercise with – let’s face it, if you stripped away the circumstances, you may not actually have anything in common with them. It’s okay to make the best of your time with them and let it be just that.
7. It’s okay to let some friends go. Some people change (or don’t) and your chemistry and priorities just aren’t the same anymore. Others, quite literally, weigh you down. Know yourself, be honest about what and who is important to you, and allow yourself to concentrate on the positive relationships in your life.

Cheers,

K