I’ve been married for 4 years. It flew by! I’ve gotten some pretty great advice over the years, and observed some wonderful marriages and relationships. So here’s my shot at some relationship advice at the 4 year- 1 kid mark, in no particular order.
- Spend Time Together. This is one of those love languages you always hear about, but even if you took the test and it wasn’t yours, it’s still helpful. It allows you to actually live life together. If you never spend any time together, you’re really just two people doing things in a similar space instead of as a team. Try it!
- Loyalty is important. This one seems obvious, but today it seems like many people don’t necessarily hold this as true. If you’re committed to someone, you have to stick to that commitment and make it apparent. Whether that means changing your actions with something big, like not having lunch with a guy you used to date, even if you’re still friends – or something little, like watching their favorite star wars movie – instead of “The Voice!” It all shows your significant other that you care about them and aren’t looking elsewhere for something important. I think that makes people feel good.
- Listening. You know that time your ‘person’ was telling you about their day at work, and your eyes glazed over and you were thinking instead about how you can’t believe Dale died on the Walking Dead? Well, your ‘person’ probably noticed that you weren’t listening. If you aren’t in the headspace to listen well, then be honest about it, and maybe try again later.
- Respect. Another obvious one perhaps, but I’ve found that especially matters in public. If I show other people that I respect my other’s choices, it bodes well for us. And vice versa! No one likes to get a bad rep – and it ends up not being for show, if you actually respect their choices. That’s why it helps to talk about things before decisions are made (see “Spend Time Together”).
- Some things actually aren’t worth talking about. I’m the type of person that likes to hash stuff out, and rehash, and rehash, and then talk about one more time, this has been a good lesson to learn. Ex) Wes put pans in a drawer in the dining room recently that I have slotted for placemats. Not dishes. I have some choice in this situation. I could (as soon as he gets home from work) immediate explain why I don’t want the dishes in that spot, and then make him feel bad for ruining my superb organization skills while he was really just trying to unload the dishwasher and move on. OR I could just move the dishes to a different spot, and let it go.
- Nagging gets you nowhere with certain people. My husband is one of those people. Believe me. I’ve tried it. Maybe your person is a different story, but unless he remembers for himself, Wes doesn’t appreciate the nagging. I think it actually makes him block that task purposefully out of his mind.
So in the end, we aren’t perfect. We don’t know everything about being married, and I’m sure it will change over the next so many years, but these things have been helpful so far. I’ll check in again in 20 years! Good luck!
-A
(Originally, this was posted at another site I blog with: Urbancashmereblog.com. Check them out!)
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